Signs Are Everywhere...

One of my favorite movies is "Fools Rush In" with Matthew Perry and Selma Hayek.

I make reference to this movie because of the fight the two main characters Alex Whitman (a city boy and architect) and Isabel Fuentes (a"free-spirited" mexican photographer) find themselves faced with making lifelong decisions after sharing a one-night stand.

We rarely sit and think about the impact some of our fleeting decisions have on our forever.  Both Alex and Isabel never bargained that out of one night of passion, they would conceive a baby and both face having to live up to their responsibility to "do the right thing."

Eventually...as with any good love story...the couple abandon their own personal agendas, and they decide that being together and raising their baby as husband and wife may not have been in their plans however it was the right choice for them.

What intrigues me about this story is the couple's journey of struggle to arrive at the decision to spend their lives together despite the elements of pride, fear, insecurity, selfishness, stubbornness and sense of entitlement they both experience.

Even when they are unsure and deliberately made unwise choices that clearly were not the best for either of them or their unborn child, there were signs everywhere pointing them in the direction of doing what's right.

Likewise,  this perfectly describes the leg of the journey that I'm currently on.  I feel like I've been on an  emotional roller coaster since deciding to commit my life to being my authentic self.  I've discovered I have fears and insecurities I never knew I had.

Everyday I wonder if I have what it takes to abandon the course of life I'm currently on and start pursuing the things I once loved.  Do I still have the creativity to write?  Would anyone even want to listen to anything I have to say?  Did I miss my calling as a writer?  Has that season long passed?  

Everyday I feel a range of emotions including anxiety, helplessness, insecurity, fear, uncertainty and plain old numbness.  At times I doubt that anyone would even relate to me or my feelings as I still have great difficulty in expressing exactly what I'm feeling.

A lot of what ifs.  What if I embark on this journey and discover that I really don't have what it takes to realize my dream of being a writer?

What if I my aspiration of becoming a professional writer, blogger and speaker is just that...a dream or aspiration?  What if my gift isn't as good as I think or others have told me?  What will I do then?

The reality is that I haven't practiced writing for an audience in a very long time.  At times I'm unsure I have the slightest clue of what readers expect when they enter my world of thoughts.  The one thing I do know is that I have a plethora of words on the inside of me that I need to release.  Finding the courage to close my eyes and let go...that's another feat.

Writing has always been extremely cathartic for me and my words seem to have some impact on others...at least that's what they've shared.  I do, however, have a sense that it's time to share my words with not just those closest to me but a world of others out there who may be experiencing some of the same things I am.  Someone...somewhere...will find benefit in the things I have to say.

So despite my own fears, doubts and uncertainties, I feel empowered to forge on through this process.  I can't yet fully explain the hope that is rooted in my soul.  Above every possible negative emotion I have felt since making the decision to follow this path, today, I feel a tremendous sense of hope.

What am I am hopeful for?  He that has begun a good work in me is faithful to finish it.  Simply put...I am hopeful that regardless of all the obstacles and hindrances that have seemingly taken me off course from fulfilling my destiny, I believe that I am still able to accomplish my purpose and assignment in life.  Delayed does not mean denied.

Sign posts are everywhere.  Lately it seems that for every pang of doubt, fear, insecurity that threatens to cause me to abort my vision, a sign post appears.  It's as if a trail of crumbs in the form of billboards, books, television programs or different people to confirm that I'm on the right trail.  Each sign is usually accompanied by an incredible sense of peace.

Who I was originally created to be is great...fearfully and meticulously made.  I am not a failure.  It's perfectly okay that I am different.  My dreams and vision are not dead.  I am full of purpose and potential.  I have gifts on the inside of me waiting to be manifested.


The world awaits the grand reveal of the authentic me.  I look forward to the day when the real Earitha stands up.